I originally planned to post yesterday under the title “Thankful for Stretching Moments”.
That was until I snapped.
Fear is a powerful emotion. It destroys rational thought and eradicates spiritual thought. It simultaneously paralyses and drives a person to poor decisions. And I was gripped with it.
See, we put our house on the market a few weeks ago. We’ve believed for a while that God wanted us to sell our home and finally took a step of faith. I didn’t expect it to sell in nine days. We got an amazing offer which will net us way more money than we expected. There’s only one problem. We had to be out in three weeks. Where would we live in the meantime?
Get an apartment. Get a house. Easy right? It’s been so long since I’ve done that sort of thing, I forgot all about security deposits for said dwelling place. How on earth would we come up with the funds to move into one of these places before the sale of our home went through? No problem. God is our source, right? He’s just stretching us a bit and learning to trust him more is always good.
Then those numbers started rolling in. And I snapped.
I’m surprised Beverly didn’t kill me last night. There was so much flesh and so little Jesus in me because I had let fear get hold of me. When I woke up this morning, I felt more in my right mind, but I was still wrestling. So, on the way to pay the reserve on our new apartment, I tried to get my mind straight.
Fear isn’t from God, so this fear that we made a mistake in selling our home can’t be from him. God’s thoughts toward me are good, so He’s not going to bless us with the sale of our home to leave us homeless. I concluded that my fear that I’d led my family into a homeless wasteland wasn’t from God. Ingenious, eh? So where did that leave me.
My devotion this morning was in Judges 6 – The story of Gideon. I’ve always given Gideon a hard time because God does so much to show Gideon that He’s on his side and that its His will for Gideon to lead Israel against the Midianites. Gideon asks for a sign from the angel who initially visits him. Then he asks God for two signs with the fleece. Come on dude. Are you gonna trust God or not?
But Gideon was afraid. His fear is mentioned on numerous occasions in Judges 6. I figured God was trying to tell me not to be afraid. Boy was I wrong.
When I stopped at the bank to get the money order to reserve the apartment, they told me it was five dollars to do money orders. Well, Amscot does it for free so I decided to do a withdrawal. But a question came to mind. What about that Freedom card we got a few months ago? We were supposed to get a hundred dollars just for signing up. The bank attendant told me that we were given it in points and he could send that money to our account if I’d like. Woah, free money. Thanks Jesus!
And then I got in the car. Have you ever been blubbering so hard you couldn’t talk? The next two songs that came on were two of my favorite worship songs and they were very appropriate to my situation.
I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
The sun comes up
It’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless the Lord, oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship your holy name
Oh yeah. I was a mess. To top it off, the Amscot attendant’s name was Jesus and they had Tootsie Rolls (my favorite candy).
God wasn’t just trying to tell me to not be afraid. He was telling me that despite all my fears (like Gideon), He loved me. I see Judges 6 a little differently now and I’m a lot more understanding of Gideon. God doesn’t promise that He’ll give us moments like this. We do need to learn to trust Him even when we don’t see Him. But sometimes, He knows we’re at the point of snapping (or already broken) and He steps in with a compassionate reminder that He sees, He knows, and He cares.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:18
I’m so thankful my God loves me and never gets tired of my weaknesses. I’m so thankful He takes an active interest in my life, even when I can’t see. I’m so thankful He helps me see His amazing compassion. I’m so thankful He’s giving me a better understanding in His love each day so I never have to be afraid.
Are you dealing with fear right now? Do you know that God loves you and is there whether you can see Him or not? Take some time today to thank Him for His love and then rest in His everlasting arms!